I'm really kicking myself today. I really need God to remove this burden I feel. Last night I got onto Andrew for messing with my props, and I went too far. I thought he had a pull up on because it was almost bed time and he was ready (and I forgot he was out...) And when he has a pull up on I have to spank a little harder to make it through the padding to have any kind of effect... so I went in full force expecting some "padded resistance" and got none... I honestly for the first time felt so terrible for spanking my child. I really hurt his feelings too.
And I feel that I may have jumped too quickly. He had picked up the baby scale and the top pulled off... which can be put right back on, it's how it is made... and he said he just wanted to know how it worked... he was just trying to learn about it. So we sat and talked, and I apologized, and asked his forgiveness. I still feel like crap. I just wanted to go cry. He had said he just wanted to pack his bag and leave. I promised myself I'd never make my child feel that way. I know I can't always be his friend, I'm his parent and I will do my job, but I need to do it well. I need him to know he can trust me and always come to me. Sometimes my emotions get the best of me. I've never spanked to hurt my child, and it was never my intent. But he's such a smart kid, and he showed me that last night. We sat and talked about his school, and I was beyond belief at how advanced he is. I'm going to slow my hand down from now on, and just talk to him. He is at a point of maturity to where a whack on the butt or a trip to the corner isn't the only way to get him to understand something.
He's no longer a baby, he's really growing up.
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