Saturday, March 26, 2011

Putting God First

I think people misconceptualize the concept of putting marriage or the husband before the children... there is more depth to it than just who gets served dinner first, or "taken care of" in general. I don't neglect my kids. I wouldn't allow anyone to hurt my kids. I will never be forced to choose my kids over my husband, but if he were selfish enough to ask I would choose my kids in a heartbeat... DH and I are a team, and I think that is in the best favor of our children, b/c they need stability. 

Now mind you, I don't LOVE one MORE than the other. My love for God is different than my love for my husband and children... a mother's love for her children is a different kind of love than ANY other love, is it not? And the same goes for the love for DH... it's a different kind of love than that I have for God or my children.

But I put them in the above order for this reason: As a Christian family, God is our rock, our foundation. He comes first, b/c without a foundation the house cannot stand. DH is the head of our home, or you could even say our "walls", and without a strong marriage our home will crumble. If DH and I aren't happy, then our entire family will be miserable. And (as a Christian family) if we didn't have God's guidance we will not be happy.

But I have said, and DH understands, that if the house were on fire and I had to choose between helping him get out or getting the kids, I would choose the kids... they are not big enough to help  themselves, and it is my job as their mother to protect them in any situation. The same goes for the "if your husband and children were held at gunpoint and you had to choose" senario...

In a good marriage, in the instance losing a husband or a child, one is not worse than the other, they are the same. To say that losing a child is worse than losing a spouse...the only real difference is that you have two people mourning the loss of a child that can be there to support each other instead of one person being left without emotional support and still having to raise a family alone. It would be just as emotionally traumatizing to lose my spouse as it would be to lose my child. In the end you can't REPLACE anyone. You can have more children. You can remarry... neither of which is REPLACING anyone. It's moving on with life the best one can. 

What it boils down to is that I love God, my husband, and my children more than life. And I want to serve them each in the best capacity I can. I cannot serve my family right without God's guidance, and I cannot serve my kids right without a united front with my husband and a healthy marriage. 

Friday, March 25, 2011

Sex before marriage is a sin, the children resulting from it are not!

Someone asked this question the other day - if sex before marriage is a sin, does that make a child conceived before marriage a sin?

Short Answer: NO. To elaborate...

All children are blessings and gifts from God. I was in a really bad place in my life - partying, drinking, smoking... sex... 

God protected me - he kept me from getting pregnant by a guy I was with for 2 years, in a psychologically abusive relationship. My step-dad and a lady at our church literally prayed for God to close my womb, and I believe wholeheartedly that is what happened. It is the ONLY explanation. (Refer back to my personal testimony post for detail.)

As soon as said guy and I finally broke up, they stopped praying. That section of my life was over. A few months later I met a new guy - head on his shoulders, in college, job, etc. A step up actually... LOL. God knew how the whole thing would play out. He knew this guy didn't want kids and that it would be the best opportunity for him to step into my sinful life and give me this gift, that he knew would inevitably open my eyes and turn me around. 

The sex was my sin. The baby was my gift. I got pregnant, and this guy didn't want anything to do with either of us. I was scared to death. Abortion was NEVER, EVER an option. And I knew I couldn't possibly give my child away. But this pregnancy is what drove me to Georgia. It was what got me to a place where I could feel accepted and find God. It was drove me to the place where I met my wonderful husband. And my son is a gift from God, meant to lead me back to a better place in my life. 

So to end this post, the answer is no - Children are not a sin, they are a gift. My child is not a bastard, he is a blessing. He makes me stronger. God loves him, and me. He has forgiven me for my past transgressions, and given me a wonderful reason to grow stronger with him every day.

My Personal Testimony

It's amazing how as we grow, so does our testimony. I'm revising this post, because I've "outgrown" my original testimony for my life. I've learned so much over the past few years, and even though a lot of people don't agree with my life or path, I trust that God is still very much involved and leading the way. I've learned that I've got to trust God - that he lives in my heart, and I need to let him lead my heart - so I am following my heart. I am trusting 100% that because I've accepted Christ to live in my heart, that when my heart says something, I should listen intently.

Life is a journey... I've dealt with judgement all my life, in school, at home, at church... For me a church was not a sanctuary... it was just one more place I didn't want to be because I didn't have any friends there, and I just felt judged or bullied. And it was really hard to find God that way. When I moved to Georgia, I landed in a church that, at the time, God used to show me a group of people who wanted to love me... and not judge me. Over the years I saw which ones were true in this, and which were not. It dwindled down to a smaller number in the end, but I realized that it's not about how many friends you have, but the quality of those friends. But it is because of those experiences over the years that I found God, and I've started learning what being a Christian is really about.

In the end I left Georgia... my marriage ended, and God was showing me that home was back in Indiana where my heart was. I know God took me to Georgia for a reason, but he also took me back here for a reason. Since I've been home, it's not been easy, the job barely makes the bills, but somehow he always manages to pull me through. And I know if God didn't intend for me to be here, that wouldn't happen. I would not be blessed with the money I need when I need it. I'd fall on my face and be forced to make another choice. God creates circumstances to lead us where we need to go. So many people are so wrapped up in scripture and "biblical morals" that they miss what's right in front of them and really aren't listening for God. You have to open your heart and your mind to everything God can show you by experiencing life and trusting that he won't leave you alone on your journey. Sometimes the choices we have to make in life, aren't what others consider "biblical"... but I've learned that one group of people's interpretation of right and wrong isn't 100% right, or wrong.

I'm not "in church" anymore... I don't follow indoctrinated religion anymore -- I am looking to get involved in a progressive church in town and see what they are all about, as I do want to fellowship with others who feel the same way I do about faith, in general that is, as everyone's faith is different. God has shown me what it means to follow Christ's example... I want my life to become so much more than "just living." I want to be happy in life. I want to be around the people who truly love me as unconditional as they humanly can... because I believe that God shows us his love through the right people. And I want to be that person for others. I want to illuminate of God's love, and show people that not every Christian is a judgmental hypocrite... I want people to look at me and say "what has gotten into her?"