Thursday, September 12, 2013

Just Because I Don't Follow Your Version of Religion, Doesn't Mean I am Without Christ

People amaze me. They think just because my life isn't going THEIR way, because I'm not following their version of religion, or that because I'm struggling in life, it means I've strayed away from "the holy spirit" and I'm not living my life "right." I got a call from someone yesterday, who nonchalantly assumed I've tried to "push the holy spirit out of my heart"...

Well I've got news for you. People struggle - God himself puts us through struggles with good reason. The Bible is full of stories of faithful, Godly people who've struggled. I'm waiting this one out to see what it is he has planned. My faith is still strong, possibly stronger than ever, and just because I don't follow the ridiculousness of the religious right's version of religion, it doesn't mean I'm without Christ.

Just because I'm not in church doesn't mean I can't have a relationship with Christ. My temple is a gospel based temple - it is my heart, my body, my soul. It is not a bible based temple, which was eradicated when Christ came and brought forth a new covenant... Christ in the new testament compared the church to the wind -“The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.”

Life isn't perfect. "Proof" that you are living your life "right" by who ever's standards doesn't always flow in the form of bountiful blessings. God tests our faith... he tests our love. For me, that is what he is testing most now. My ability to remain faithful in the storm... during my first marriage we never really faced a lot of storms - I had the perfect house, the perfect car, everything was "as it should be"...  at least by society's standards... we had some financial struggles... we had more marital struggles... but for the most part I had it under control.

Also, he is testing my ability to love the way Christ wants us to love one another. To learn how to care for others no matter their circumstance, and not judge them based on their current trials. Instead of this "unchristian" notion that many Christians seem to have that they should shun people or judge them when their life is less than perfect.

I know I've made mistakes in my life -- but last time I checked, I'm human. Last time I checked, no one is perfect and we all make mistakes, but it is also how we learn... last time I checked, Christ went to the cross for our sins... and last time I checked, I've learned from my mistakes. As for my current move, I can't say it was a "mistake." Did it go as I planned? No. Do I have some regrets as far as how things happened and what has occurred? Yes.

But I keep going. I keep trusting and having faith that God is still working. Just because blessings aren't "pouring out" and I'm facing a lot of hard struggles, doesn't mean God isn't working. Just because I've taken a difficult path in my life, doesn't mean God isn't with me. I pray that whatever happens, I know I've tried my best... and that if I lose all hope and things don't go as I pray they do, that God's plans are better than my dreams.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

if he lives in my heart shouldnt i let him do the leading? it has been a minute since i posted anything on this blog. and sorry for no caps but my phone doesnt want to seem to totally cooperate so this post may not be grammatically correct. as i lay here tonight, sick as a dog and only a week or two away from a huge change in my life i reflect on what i have learned in the past 6 months... and i figure out how to apply it. to make sure im on the right path. i hear so many ppl say dont trust your heart to guide you, but lead your heart... well if jesus lives in my heart because i let him in, shouldnt i let him lead... its like brad stine said about the bumper sticker that said god is my copilot... um if gods in the car i think i will let him drive.

 i think the ppl who have been so sucked into this lead your heart theory have been so indoctrinated that they are too afraid to trust god that much. this road is not easy for me. this road meant finally coming to grips with the fact i havent been happy, in love, or physically attracted to my husband for several years. that we both have done things wrong, but the fact he would have chose to look at other women through the use of porn instead of me deadened me inside to him. i let him try to fix things, i tried leading my heart as they say back to what everyone around me has always said was right, staying married instead of seeking a divorce. but i was fooling myself. i tried every day to lead my heart but when i finally let go and followed it there was a sense of freedom. and i was taught recently that through god we are free... i didnt really understand it when i heard it and didnt feel truly free in my life. but i do now. our hearts are not free if we are trying to force ourselves to live a life that doesnt mean anything anymore. we only get 1 shot at this... and im letting god lead, im listening to my heart more intuatively than ever. 

this road will be tough. it means leaving behind my children while i get my life back home settled and established... only seeing my babies on holidays and school breaks... it has meant a lot of ppl turning their backs on me, but ive learned a true friend, christian, or someone who loves you would walk through fire with you, fight your fight with you, and stand by your side no matter what. that is the kind of person i want to be to those i love, and this has shown me who the people are who really have my back all the time, not just when im doing it their way...

im tired of people trying to change me because i didnt fit the bill. all my life i was seen as wrong or different or a problem because i wasnt pretty enough or smart enough or sporty enough.... fill  in the blank. well im done letting people try to change or fix me. i can honestly say i believe god is leading me where none of that matters.. that there is life out there and love out there.... that god has set aside one person for another... someone recently told me the love i seek can only be found through god, and basically if i have gods love my miserable life doesnt matter... that the love i seek from another person doesnt exhist... that is their belief, their theory and i respect that, but i dont have to nor do i agree... 

gods love is powerful, but i believe he shows us his love through others who really care... otherwise life would be pretty dull and lonely without others along the way to love and support us... and until a big booming voice tells me what to do, im choosing to let him reside in my heart and guide me... and i will follow.