Don't Blame your Spouse for YOUR Porn Issues

First off, (DISCLAIMER) this is not directed toward my husband in any way. In fact it represents what we both have learned from our personal experience, and I hope it will help someone who may be going through a similar issue.

Pornography and addictive video gaming are plaguing our generation. They are being used as scapegoats for people who don't want to fix their problems or deal with reality. And many men are blaming their spouse for their issues... "it is my wife's fault I'm looking at porn (and committing adultery by lusting after other another person) because she doesn't give me enough sex" or "it is my wife's fault I lose myself in video games (and neglect my family, our home, etc) so I don't have to deal with her nagging." And so on...

So the part in italics isn't normally stated by the husband, but it is the reality of the situation. Many men (and even women) of our generation are getting sucked into extreme gaming & the use of internet pornography. It is causing them to neglect their families, their home (leaving all of the housework, raising the kids, etc on the shoulders of the other spouse who may or may not also work), and to lust after another, which according to the Bible, is considered adultery in the eyes of God, and probably in the eyes of the other spouse. From personal experience, I can tell you this is a heavy weight to carry as the spouse of a husband who was addicted to porn and video games. You feel like you are a single parent, and raising an additional child.

Well guys, it's time to grow up. You are married (and may have children) now. You are an adult with responsibilities, and it is time to put away the childish games and support, love, honor, respect, and help your family. It is time to honor & respect your spouse and not look at pornography. Also, it is time to stop these negative habits with you - with our generation - before it is passed on to the next generation (our children.) My husband got into pornography because he found it in his parent's bedroom. My son started reacting negatively with his attitude and wanting to play video games all the time like daddy.

Is this the kind of legacy you want to leave for your children? Technology has it's place and it certainly has been an awesome attribute to society, but just like anything else it can be misused and it can be addicting, but we can choose to not let it effect us negatively.

Also, marriage and relationships are not all about sex. Most women want way more out of their marriage and life than sex. When a man is constantly nagging for more sex, the same as when a woman nags for them to do the dishes, the nagging doesn't make them want to do it. Love is what allows the other spouse to want to do things for the you. Belittling them or degrading them for sex is not love. Your spouse may get to the point she feels all you want is sex and you only do things to get it. Well here's my advice: JUST STOP. It's time to evolve... you are not an animal. You are not just here to get some and reproduce. Marriage is about commitment, friendship, intimacy (which does not mean sex), and unconditional love. Sex is a beautiful thing in marriage, but when it feels like the main focus, it gets distorted. And a lot of times, sex is damaged in a marriage because of previous sex outside of the marriage. That sex was not about commitment or true intimacy or love. It was about feeling good.

There is a reason God intended for us to love, marry, and then have sex - it is because sex outside of commitment and true love can hurt. It can cause self-esteem issues and make us have regrets. God doesn't want us to feel that way - he loves us unconditionally and he wants us to love the way he loves because it feels good to truly love.

Do not blame your spouse (or anyone else) for your porn or excessive gaming issues. It is your personal choice and responsibility to pick up the game controller or navigate to a trashy website. Only you can change yourself. It may take some self discipline and trust in God, but you can change  with God's help if you seek it. You cannot change your spouse, and your  spouse cannot change you. You have to be willing to change for you and for God, and in turn your spouse will most likely see these changes and want to change for the better as well. When you truly have God in your life and you live your faith (walk the talk) others will want to know what it is that makes you so happy, loving, etc. And they will want to be a part of it.