This week has been a struggle. The devil seeks to attack anything that is done in God's name. I've had to face some pretty harsh realities in my own life this week... blood is not thicker than water. Accept for Jesus' blood. The blood that was shed covers all. It forgives all, even if other people don't.
Growing up I dealt with issues of being accepted. I consider myself a pretty strong person with all I've gone through in life, but I can be broken. And this week my heart has shattered. I looked forward to this particular week all year, ever since last July. As it got closer things started to arise that discouraged me, and I tried to not let them deter me. I put them on the alter last Sunday morning and asked God to take care of them.
I've wanted so badly to grow certain relationships in my life, but it's hard to strengthen relationships when the other party doesn't want to do anything more than talk about you behind your back. My life wasn't perfect when I came here, but everyone has pasts. I think I've done a pretty darn good job turning things around, but some people will never get over the way things used to be. I think either way I can't please them... maybe it is jealousy of who I've become, and the relationships I've grown since my total 180. But it's hard to say for sure. To me it is sad that instead of trying to grow closer, they'd just rather push me further away. I'm still not perfect, but I know how hard I try, I know my heart, and most important I know that God knows my heart.
A lot of things that have happened this week and weekend have forced my hand. My husband and I have some pretty tough decisions to be made in the near future. But I believe God has brought us to this point, and will lead us into the future unknown.
To the people I love dearly, what is coming soon it has nothing to do with you, and I hope it doesn't change anything with any of you. This is a very hard move to make. Part of me wants to stay where we are at, there are a lot of people there I love & that I know care about our family a lot, but at the same time there is a lot of crap going on that I think it would be best that we move on.
This isn't set in stone yet - I'm going to give God some time to show me the way to go.
Godly men stick up for people, not make fun of them.
Godly men honor women, not belittle them.
Godly men love their gay and lesbian neighbors, not ridicule them.
Godly men celebrate femininity, not trash it.
Godly men own their sexuality, not flaunt it.
Godly men pursue peace, not dismiss it.
Godly men rise above violence, not glorify it.
Godly men build up the Church, not embarrass it.
Godly men imitate Christ—who praised the gentle and the peacemakers, who stood up for the exploited and abused, who showed compassion for the downtrodden, who valued women, and who loved his enemies to the point of death.