Life is a journey... I've dealt with judgement all my life, in school, at home, at church... For me a church was not a sanctuary... it was just one more place I didn't want to be because I didn't have any friends there, and I just felt judged or bullied. And it was really hard to find God that way. When I moved to Georgia, I landed in a church that, at the time, God used to show me a group of people who wanted to love me... and not judge me. Over the years I saw which ones were true in this, and which were not. It dwindled down to a smaller number in the end, but I realized that it's not about how many friends you have, but the quality of those friends. But it is because of those experiences over the years that I found God, and I've started learning what being a Christian is really about.
In the end I left Georgia... my marriage ended, and God was showing me that home was back in Indiana where my heart was. I know God took me to Georgia for a reason, but he also took me back here for a reason. Since I've been home, it's not been easy, the job barely makes the bills, but somehow he always manages to pull me through. And I know if God didn't intend for me to be here, that wouldn't happen. I would not be blessed with the money I need when I need it. I'd fall on my face and be forced to make another choice. God creates circumstances to lead us where we need to go. So many people are so wrapped up in scripture and "biblical morals" that they miss what's right in front of them and really aren't listening for God. You have to open your heart and your mind to everything God can show you by experiencing life and trusting that he won't leave you alone on your journey. Sometimes the choices we have to make in life, aren't what others consider "biblical"... but I've learned that one group of people's interpretation of right and wrong isn't 100% right, or wrong.
I'm not "in church" anymore... I don't follow indoctrinated religion anymore -- I am looking to get involved in a progressive church in town and see what they are all about, as I do want to fellowship with others who feel the same way I do about faith, in general that is, as everyone's faith is different. God has shown me what it means to follow Christ's example... I want my life to become so much more than "just living." I want to be happy in life. I want to be around the people who truly love me as unconditional as they humanly can... because I believe that God shows us his love through the right people. And I want to be that person for others. I want to illuminate of God's love, and show people that not every Christian is a judgmental hypocrite... I want people to look at me and say "what has gotten into her?"